Giving Thanks in Times of Trouble

Today finds me grateful for the gift of knowing Jacob and watching as he grew from a child to a young man. I will always remember his mischievous grin and bright blue eyes that danced with laughter and love. Jacob went to be with the Lord at approximately 1:00 a.m. this morning. His body was just too traumatized to survive. I've laughed and cried. My heart is with his family and I'm going to ask those of you who pray to please pray for his family and for his friend, M. Jacob was a very forgiving person and from listening to his family last night, I'm certain that Jacob wouldn't want M to carry the burden of his death. He would want for M to learn something from what happened and move forward with his life.

I now know that Jacob knew Christ as his Savior, so we'll see Jacob again. There is such peace in that knowledge. My SIL, Jacob's step mom for over 15 years said that Jacob's passing was very, very peaceful. They are all heartbroken, but we serve a God that takes situations that leave us asking why and then takes that hurt and turns it into something beautiful.

I wasn't close with Jacob, but I did love him. It was hard not to love Jacob. He just drew others to him with his peaceful spirit and forgiving and loving nature. There were probably 50+ friends of Jacob at the hospital last night. It spoke volumes to me about how loved he really was and I hope that his family can find some comfort in knowing that he is loved by so many.

I know that God will use this situation to bring glory and honor to His name. I really hope that these young adults that loved Jacob will remember Jacob should they ever decide to drink and drive.

Today finds me grateful for the following:

Jacob's life. Thank you Lord for allowing me to know him, even if it was just a little bit.

The joy of watching my ss's becoming responsible young men.

My husband who I love with all my heart.

And most importantly, the gift of life that Jesus offers to all through His death.

I won't say goodbye, Jacob. Instead, I'll say that I will see you again in a little while.

May you all have a wonderful 4Th filled with family and friends. Stay safe and enjoy your holiday!

Call For Prayer Warriors

Please pray for Jacob. He's 26 years old and he's fighting for his life. He was in a terrible vehicle accident one week ago this past Friday. He messed up. He got drunk and then got in the vehicle with someone else who was drunk. The long and short of it is that he's hanging on but it's not looking too good. Please pray for his family, specifically that God will comfort them and reveal His presence to each of them. Thanks to all.

Let It Fade

Let It Fade lyrics-Jeremy Camp

Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
You can't live this way too long.
There's more than this, more than this.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest, you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let it fade.

Are you carrying the weight too much, are you running from the call?
Let it fade, Oh yeah.

You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?

The above lyrics very aptly describe my life before I accepted the grace that God offers each of us. It's such a comfort to rest in His arms. It doesn't matter how crazy my life gets now, it just takes a moment to let go and let God.

Compassion

You did not abandon them in the wilderness because of Your great compassion.

Nehemiah 9:19

"When you begin to study the faithful, lifesaving, compassionate love of God in Scripture, you discover that the word often used for "compassion" is the Hebrew word racham, meaning "to soothe; to cherish; to love deeply like parents; to be compassionate and tender." (And now for my favorite part of the definition.) Small babies evoke this feeling."-Excerpt from Breaking Free Day by Day by Beth Moore.

God's Timing

If nothing else, I have learned one thing over the past two years. My plans and God's plans are usually polar opposites. LOL I'm impatient. God isn't. I want things my way. God doesn't negotiate. That said, He's showing me that His plans are better than mine. Big shock! hee hee

He's beginning to open doors that I thought were permanently closed. He's giving me hope in regard to relationships that I thought were lost to me forever. I am humbled by His faithfulness and so grateful that He loves me enough to make me do my part in owning my past and forgiving myself for what I did when I was so sick. One day at a time. That's all I have and it's all that I can focus on for now. For me, this is much larger than just the program...it's a spiritual principal that He's revealed to me in His word.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Today finds me grateful for the following things:

The opportunity to build relationships that were once non-existent.

Finding joy in the simple things of life: watching the sunrise with clear eyes, laughing with my stepsons, laughing at myself.

A faith that grows daily as God reveals Himself to me.

And most importantly, the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

May each of you find peace and love in your life.

Courtesy of Max Lucado

Don't ask God to do what you want. Ask God to do what is right.

When God doesn't do what we want, it's not easy. Never has been. Never will be. But faith is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and he will get us through it.

Disappointment is cured by revamped expectations.

I like that story about the fellow who went to the pet store in search of a singing parakeet. Seems he was a bachelor and his house was too quiet. The store owner had just the bird for him, so the man bought it. The next day the bachelor came home from work to a house full of music. He went to the cage to feed the bird and noticed for the first time that the parakeet had only one leg.

He felt cheated that he'd been sold a one-legged bird, so he called and complained.

"What do you want," the store owner responded, "a bird who can sing or a bird who can dance?"

Good question for times of disappointment.


From
Let the Journey Begin: God's Roadmap for New Beginnings
© (J Countryman 2009) Max Lucado

We all experience disappointment in one way, shape, form or another. This devotional landed in my email at just the right time. It was a much needed reminder to keep my expectations in line.

To me the coolest thing is that God gave me the above reminder that it's okay to be disappointed. It's also okay for me to express it in an appropriate manner. I'm so grateful that God is still changing my heart.

Sorry I haven't been writing much but I've been buried at work. Much love to all and I hope you have a great weekend!

Unimportant Things that Make Me Happy!

I've been tagged by Clean and Crazy to list 6 unimportant things that make me happy and then tag six others to do the same. I've been really stressed at work and I have to admit that I'm isolating so this will be a great way to get the ball rolling again.

1. I LOVE a REAL chocolate malt with extra malt. I've always had a real affinity for this treat and I will do almost anything for a good malt. LOL

2. I absolutely love having furbabies in my home. There is nothing like watching a litter of kittens go from looking like really ugly little rats to being transformed into toddlers who are in awe of every new experience. If I had my way.....I'd have a house just for cats. I love them!

3. This is out of order because there is one thing that brings me a peace and happiness that nothing else compares to....singing. It calms my soul and gives me an outlet to allow my soul to fly. I'm a singing fool; in the car, in the shower, in my garage and in my house.

4. My second favorite thing that makes me crazy happy is going to my Dad's cabin on the lake. I can feel all of the tension leaving my body as I start down that gravel road. I love to sit out on the deck and watch the deer, raccoons, fox and all the little critters scampering about. Then there's the water. Oh, I am still a water baby!! I love to be on it, in it and by it. I am so incredibly happy while I'm there.

5. It makes me very happy when I have the opportunity to do something nice for someone else. Especially when I can do it anonymously.

6. My meditation time is one of my greatest joys. Knowing that God is here with me and that He sees and hears me gives me a lot of happiness.

Now for the list of those that I'm gonna tag. Hmmm.

1. Dad and Mom at An Addict in our Son's bedroom.
2. Lou at Subdural Flow.
3. Cat at Wait. What?
4. Mile 191 at come into my closet.
5. Judith at Vicarious Rising.
6. Gabriella Moonlight at All Who Wander are not Lost!

New Day and a New Perspective

Part of the illness of addiction centers around the expectations of others and my own expectations, which are often very skewed. I woke this morning to the reality that there is only one entity that I need bother with pleasing and that's God. I just need to concentrate on what's right in front of me and nothing else. God loves me just as I am. He always has even when I wasn't very lovable. I've had to ask myself some questions. If my ss's never wish me a Happy Mother's Day does it mean that they love me any less? Not necessarily. It may be more of a matter of respect for their Mom and I really do understand.

I have so much to be grateful for today. I will get to celebrate my oldest ss's birthday with him next week for the first time in 13 years! I couldn't be any happier about him being here. I'm proud of him!! He's a mature and responsible young man and I love him unconditionally. I'm blessed to have him in my life. Thank you, Lord for the gift you gave to me with my ss's. I know that Your plans are so much better than mine and I will place my trust in You.

My youngest ss will be here toward the end of the month and won't be able to stay but for a month. I can't wait to see him either! I love these two with all of my heart. That's what I have to concentrate on. The love that I feel in my heart. I just want to savor every moment with them.

So thank you for all of your kind words! We have such an awesome recovery community and I thank God for each of you daily. I just wanted you all to know that I've found my happy place again.

Owning My Feelings

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Our anniversary was last week. We've been together for 13 years. IOW's since his oldest was 5, almost 6 and his youngest was 4 and turned 5 five months after we became "us." I have to own many things that transpired over the time period that preceded my sobriety date. I wasn't a bad stepmom, but I wasn't a great stepmom either.

I have my faults which include holding others an arms length away and I can see how that might have left the guys with the impression that I didn't care. It wasn't about them though. I've always loved them very deeply, I just wasn't able to show it.

I cannot expect them to read my mind. And I have to say that it's pretty hurtful when my birthday comes and goes without even an email to say, "Happy Birthday!" It also hurts that after all of these years, I've only received one email card to wish me a happy mother's day. I realize that this is my issue though, it's not theirs. I know that I'm not their Mom. I don't need anyone to remind me of this. I am painfully aware that this isn't the case.

It's my own insecurity that causes the issue. I don't know if they love me or if they just tolerate me because I'm married to their Dad. I would really like to at least feel like we can be friends. Maybe like an Aunt instead of a stepmom.

Please pray that God will change my heart and see things for what they are instead of what I think that I need. There were some things that were said last night that have me reeling. I'm trying very hard to be respectful of boundaries with my hubby's ex. I wanted to send her an email wishing her a Happy Mother's day. I didn't get the response that I anticipated. I think that the word used in regard to my asking if it would be okay was met with the word "odd" and that didn't make any sense to me at all.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have suggestions: please feel free to share them with me.

Happy Mother's Day!

To all of you Mom's and Step mom's! May each of you have a blessed day.